We are coming out of a week of being sick with coughs, colds and fevers. The exhaustion I
feel reminds me of life with baby. When we start to have more freedom because our children’s needs are now less physically intense, we can forget what life was like and why things moved so slowly then. I had been looking back with some regret at my grumpy days during those earlier years, but this week of sickness, sleepless nights, clingy children have reminded me how overwhelming that time was and to again, and again, have compassion on all of us. We did our best and did well at that.
In this fog of the past week, I have been reminded of compassion over and over as well as nonjudgement. When we are going through our days of parenting, it is easy to rise to judgement, and not notice what is really happening, and worse sometimes forget the innocence of our children, especially when their behavior is negative.
But when we let go of our inner scripts that name or judge behavior, and simply “stop and see” what is happening with an open heart, with curiousity and wonder, we can see more clearly. What our children are trying to do is make their way. Though there may seem to be “negative” behavior such as hitting a younger sibling, they are not mal-intentioned in their heart. There is always a good reason. They simply have a need; to express anger, to get attention, to see what happens. They are simply exploring their place in life and trying to meet their needs. All of their needs are legitimate. We may teach them more effective strategies toward getting what they need (i.e. asking vs. screaming, etc.) but we need not judge, shame or make them wrong.
In the same way, we can have compassion and release judgement on ourselves. All of our needs are also legitimate. When anger rises because we are overwhelmed or need to be reminded toward self-care, we need not judge it. We can also simply look at the effective ways to meet our own needs. We can “stop and see” with compassion and curiosity where we need help, growth, time and space. We can remember our own innocence (seeing ourselves through the eyes of God/Love), have compassion on our souls in this ever changing journey and find our own way!