A Missing Key to harnessing The Power to Create Your Reality

“You have the power to create your own reality”  is a phrase I have heard often…and often because I grew up with people who were oppressed by very real things in life, such as domestic violence, sexual abuse, POVERTY, mental illness, neglect….I have often rejected this idea.  It felt too similar to the victim blaming of political rhetoric that keeps people oppressed.

Or, I’ve also cringed when hearing this phrase spoken in a new age-y way that unintentionally discounts the person’s human experience. As in, “I’m so sad I lost my job..” “Oh well, you create your own reality. This is just an illusion!”  These responses just leave people feeling bad about their grief and heartbreak that is simply a normal part of being human.

And yet, I am also a poster child for having ‘created my own reality’ because I took to heart what my 4th grade teacher Mr. Hollister told me when I was crying about being a foster child. He said, “Sylvia, you can’t control how things are now, but you can get good grades and go to college and change your life.”

To this day I have wished that I could find this man and let him know how powerful these, often considered trite words, were for me.  They literally did change my life because they gave me hope and essentially showed me the path to ‘changing my reality.’  From then on, I worked hard to get good grades and be a stellar student.  And I was terrified when in fifth grade, I was suspended for smoking cigarettes in the back field. I didn’t know that colleges don’t actually go all the way back to your elementary school transcripts!

I told every subsequent foster care provider and schoolteacher that I was going to college and I worked hard. And I did in fact, get many awards in high school and a free ride to a sweet small college (where I met my dear mentor Sharon Pearson who introduced me to InnerBonding, AND my amazing husband), all of which did lead to me having a very different life trajectory than what most foster youth experience.

So again, it is not so much the concept, but what aspect of us is taking it in.

When we say “You have the power to create your own reality” from a fearful, controlling place of the wounded self/ego mind it just becomes another device for shame and self-judgement. Imagine, an adult telling a child, “Too bad you are struggling or sad, you created it!” That is actually how we talk to others and ourselves when we are coming from this protected place.

However, we can remind ourselves of this powerful truth with love and compassion. I imagine it as a loving mother holding us, listening to our tears, showing us with her presence that we are beautiful and perfect in all ways…then gently reminding us of our divine power and pointing us to life giving choices. With the help of our guidance, we can be this mother to ourselves, and hold space for limitless possibilities of transformation.

Like a foster child who was shown a life saving path with love.

Like a mother who is about to react and yell at a child, but remembers that she can create instead of react..and chooses to breathe/walk away/get help.

Like a professional who mourns the loss of his job but uses the moment to create the job he’s always wanted, instead of the one he settled for.

Like you, like me, remembering “Oh yes! I have the power to create what happens right here, in this moment!” and choosing to open to a new loving possibility with our Guidance,  instead of the old habits and patterns that no longer serve us.

Like the enormous tree in this pic that keeps reaching for the sun despite whatever obstacles come its way because it too, is seeded with the imprint to grow and grow and grow.

***For any of my local readers: We will be exploring this more at the Connecting Within Women’s retreat this Saturday. You may want to join us!  For more info: http://www.connectingwithin.com/healing/connecting-within-womens-mini-retreat/***