Creating family

The other day someone reflected that I have a loving functional family and it can be triggering for those who’ve experienced trauma.

I wholeheartedly understand this. I was the foster youth/orphan who walked into other family environments and felt pangs of grief when I saw parents caring for and providing for children. My heart ached when I looked at photos of children hung in hallways. When I saw children laughing carefree, feeling sure of their place in this world. The contrast between this connectedness, this support the children felt, their confidence in being provided for, and how rootless I felt, was stark.

As a young adult married into a fairly functional family, I often had to go into a bathroom and take a moment to grieve when the contrast was too painful.

I say this so often and it is true: InnerBonding saved my life. I learned to hold that orphaned child and bring divine love to her and walk with her through all these challenges. I learned to be her roots and her caring support.

It hasn’t been easy but it has worked. So well that when people see my ‘functional family’ they have no idea what a long journey it took to get here. For years, when I share my childhood with others, they are often shocked because my life is currently stable and steeped in love and connection.

What people don’t realize is I built this.

I built this by diligently breaking the cycles of trauma, picking up my inner child and reclaiming her.
I built this by being an avid student of love and connection. Seeing it innately in my children and cultivating it wherever I could.
I built this by accepting imperfection, doing my best, and focusing on repairing relationship fractures when they arise.
I built this by committing to my family and focusing on our relationships beyond dogma and rightness.
I built this by listening to my heart, Spirit and all of Life.
I built this by looking into my children’s eyes and listening.
I built this by falling down, getting triggered, losing it, and starting over.

It has been remarkable to see how much ancestral trauma can be stopped in one generation. And how much we can continue to heal legacies as we unpeel them. So much unravels and heals when we are intentionally steeping ourselves and our families in love.

Spirit often reminds me that my parents who did their best had so much trauma to navigate that my life now is an opportunity to live the gifts they have passed to me, to the FULLEST. The best way to honor their legacy is to release their wounds and transform them, to bloom as we are all meant to bloom.

Beyond colonization, oppression, trauma, we all deserve to thrive and express who we are meant to be in this sacred web of life. Liberation and love for all.

These are some of the many reasons why I have been circling with mothers and supporting community for over 17 years. I have walked with so many as they hold their precious selves with their childhood trauma and create the family they have longed for. I’ve been blessed to see them rise up and stand strong for themselves. And it has been a deep joy to see the sparkle, inner knowing and liberation in all of their children. (And my own :)

We are building this.

Together we can transform our lives, break cycles, and live the life our children, our ancestors, and we deserve.

Together we can BE LIFE.