So much has smoothed out in my life now that my children are older. I have been reflecting with compassion for myself on how so
much of the way we are asked to parent is so unsupportive for sensitive, present moment oriented parents. Often when working with mamas, we’ll talk about the energy of children being like little birds squawking and pecking. They have their sweet bright energy, full of life, it is beautiful AND their needs/demands/interruptions can be especially disorienting and dysregulating for some of us who are sensitive or neuro-spicy*.
Then put that in the context of a competition and consumer based culture that drives us and children to do do do. It is no wonder sensitive mamas are frazzled and deserve much support. Unfortunately we also often compare ourselves to others that are less sensitive, “see they can do it, what’s wrong with me.’ Which is ridiculous because everyone that is ‘winning’ at parenting or modern life is often missing so much actual vital life, so much connection.
An ancestral education, a grounding, is knowing and expressing gratitude to all the plant and animal life within our surroundings. Children and parents immersed in these consumer based systems and media, can tell you a number of different brands of things and people. But not about the vitality and diversity all around them.
Years ago when I realized that to honor my sensitivity and what my sensitive heart felt was loving for children, we started undoing so much of the nonsense that drives us on a hamster wheel.
Now that we are tending our little sanctuary/forest land, I have resisted coming ‘back to town.’ I have less and less tolerance for all the shenanigans, the completely made up constructs, the class and resource hierarchy, and the utter disconnection from the land and all beings.
I’ve been spending a lot of my time while here at a nearby abandoned apple orchard, with hawthorn trees and rosehip sisters. I walk the land and feel a deep breath of expanse within me. I grieve how we have all been pulled away from this inherent connection and how I needed this and her for so many years. I grieve that I am nearly 50 and I am finally able to fully be able to be here with time to listen, sing and just be and breathe together.
I always tended this need and we have engaged in much nature connection as a family and I love the days when I bring my children and we pick apples and tend branches together, but now, I can sink into being more deeply.
My soul has always been ascetic/monk like. I have found so many creative ways to honor this quiet, reflective soul in bits and pieces over the years, and yet now that I fully have these moments, I am overwhelmed and overjoyed at the deep connection and peaceful delight I feel. And there is also the sadness for all the times I put this need aside. I was putting so much aliveness, so much depth aside.
I would never never want this for my children. I would never want them to have to wait until they are 50 to adequately tend their needs. And so this inspires me to bring this into my supportive work, “how do we tolerate less what is not life giving and stand more firmly for our birthrights of vital aliveness, humanity and connection within and with all life?”
We can all ask this in our own way and our answers will lead us to the beautiful diverse expressions that we all are meant to bring.
For me, I am not longer resisting coming ‘back to town’ because I am now remembering that I don’t live in Ashland, I live at the orchard and valley near the lake, cradled by mountain ancestors. I am coming back to many bird siblings flitting in and out of the madrone, oak, cedar, and many pine aunt and uncles, the grassy hills, the quail, the woodpeckers, colibri, the squirrels, the strawberry tree, manzanita, the fresh air, Grandfather sun peeking over the hills, the humans who bring other interesting species and the crow standing on top of the pine tree this morning. (and so much more)
I’m coming back home to them and myself.
May we all do this sooner than later.
xoxoxo
*I use neuro spicy because I really don’t like neurodivergent because we are not divergent. The system/society is divergent but I use it here because it’s current language that conveys the expansiveness of full humanity.