Managing our FEAR during this time

In my free weekly community zoom call, we’ve addressed a confusion around managing the fear of the virus at this time.  In the healing world, we commonly address fears that feed anxiety which are born of the inner critic or trauma brain: “You’ll never be able to do it. You’re not good enough. Everyone will judge you.” We often refer to them as, “False, Evidence, Appearing, Real” (FEAR).

As we are navigating this illness, we can certainly create this type of fear for ourselves by catastrophizing, excessively worrying and telling ourselves scary things like, “Oh no, all my elders are going to die” “There is nothing we can do” and so on. That kind of fear, we do want to dismantle and question. With InnerBonding, we would recognize those thoughts as false beliefs (that helped us survive) and connect with our spiritual/ancestral guidance to reconnect to truth (that helps us thrive).  We can change often change these thoughts by consciously recognizing this and asking our guidance, “What is loving? What is true?” (which I’ve addressed in other articles).

However, during this time there is also the innate EXISTENTIAL fear that comes with facing real and present danger.  This virus is real and present, and we do ourselves and others a disservice if we do not honor the inherent existential grief, fear and helplessness that is arising.

We do know how to manage these existential feelings. We do this daily as for years now, there are real and present dangers that we balance in order to live life, for example the risk of car accidents, air travel, cancer, etc. Most of the time we do this through distance, natural denial and focusing on what we can do.

However, since we are so steeped in information, adjusting constantly and more tragedy is unfolding daily, the real and present danger is undeniable.  So what is helpful right now is to compassionately acknowledge and feel the feelings.

It helps to imagine what you would do if a child came to you and was scared about this. We would probably listen to that child’s fears, reassure them (“It’s okay to be scared. I’m here with you”), and give them a hug. This is the same compassion and presence we can bring to ourselves. Here are a few steps:

• Consciously move into your loving adult self (or inner parent), the part of you that knows how to get help. Ask your spiritual/ancestral guidance for help, knowing what it looks and feels like to bring love into yourself.
• Imagine you are holding your inner self with the help of your spiritual connection (just as you might a child). Bring compassion into your heart and let yourself feel the grief, sadness and/or helplessness of this illness’ impact. Honor what your inner self is feeling right at that moment without judging or negating.
• Breathe into your feeling, allow yourself to cry if needed. Bring the reassurance in that you would give a child. “I know this is scary, and you don’t know what to do. I’m here for you no matter what.” When allowed, and not resisted or stuffed, our existential feelings, tend to be felt like a wave surging, then crashing and subsiding when we hold ourselves with compassionate presence.
• Once we have acknowledged and felt the feeling, we can then surrender the feeling to our ancestors/spiritual guidance. We hear the phrase, “Give it to God” and this is helpful, but only after we have allowed the feeling to move through, otherwise it is a mechanical gesture that only tends to result in spiritual bypass and disconnect, rather than healing. Once you have really seen and honored your own experience, you support yourself to move into the adaptive states of surrender and flexibility by letting go/asking your guidance to help you release this burden and live into the next moment.
• Finally, as we might do, with an actual child, tune into your intuition and spiritual source, and ask, “What would be loving for me right now? What can I do that would help me feel better?” You can also ask your inner self, “What do you need from me to feel safe?”

All of these questions might point to self-care actions, such as take a walk, pray, journal, wash your hands, stay home, call a loved one.

And they may also, point to inner actions, “Stop scaring me by living in fear” “Stop reading all the fear mongering” “Stop abandoning me to feel it all myself”

And your guidance and intuition may point you to what you can control, such as ways to be in the now, embrace the moment and cultivate what is good and hopeful.

Taking any of these actions will help you to feel loved. We can be in our head, knowing what is good for us, but we only really feel safe when we drop into our heart, tune in and take loving action on our own behalf.

Real and present danger exists in our lives everyday.

It’s how we show up for ourselves (or not) that makes the most difference in how we feel.

We can manage all the fear that is arising if we acknowledge that its’ okay to feel afraid and show up for ourselves, every step of the way.

And as I say to all of the mothers I work with, when we show up for ourselves, we can then truly show up for, and offer love, support and compassion to our children.

(See more on talking to children about this virus in my previous blog)

**Throughout this time, I am offering one free individual 30 minute phone session daily. You can email me directly to be put on the schedule.**