Something that has been astounding to me as my ‘life got better’ and I found myself in middle class environments is how little those who have been raised with sufficient resources actually interface with the realities of others, especially ‘the poor.’
As a foster child/orphan, aka low caste or zero class, as I like to joke, I bring a curious lens to this. I have observed the way people of upper/middle classes keep their resources to themselves, mostly by funding their children’s opportunities. It is fairly innocent because since they lack proximity to people in poverty they don’t actually understand how much more they have than others. And because we all love our children and want whats best for them, it is easy to justify expensive colleges, club activities, sports, etc. etc.
And the bubbles just reinforce themselves because those with resource through class demarcations, are co- existing with others who have the same ‘privileges’ so they don’t see them. (Separation is part of the design.)
As the orphan in the room, it has always been interesting to observe that my middle/upper middle class peers were not processing the impact on others in the same way that I do.
And it is why I believe so strongly in the wisdom of Bryan Stevenson (www.eji.org) who stresses the importance of becoming proximate/getting close to, making friends with marginalized peoples.
When I walk through the world, knowing the realities of poverty, immigration, foster care, I know the value of my resources.
My social/racial justice decisions are not borne of abstract thoughts, ie, “what is the ‘right’ social justice/racial justice thing to do? politically correct, etc?” It is not an ‘anti-racist’ concept. It is an interdependent consideration of my community/family/siblings.
When I think about how to homeschool with equity, I ask: how would my brown single mama amigas, fare in this situation? Would they be able to access this? I reflect on what I know to be the barriers they face because we are in relationship.
When I see the trend of wealthy western folks leaving this country to have a good life in Mexico, Costa Rica, etc. I think about my migrant amigas who cannot return to their country and my mother who left hers, because of the underbelly of poverty and violence that Americans have not had to face. I think about the fact that Westerners fetishize Latin countries for their ‘warmth and welcoming’ without recognizing these features are born of “poverty” living close to each other, the land, interdependent, AND also the tangible financial need that is met by providing ‘warmth’ to tourists ( I will write a whole separate blog on this!)
As a light skinned Latina, connected to my brown friends and family, I may not personally experience the overt racism, but by spending time together and with them, experiencing and witnessing the racism they’ve experienced and hearing their stories, I see shaking the hands of a cop differently.
And of course, as a former foster youth, I see everything through the lens of the outcast of society, trafficked youth, the homeless, the incarcerated. Even though my liberal friends think lightly of porn or cannabis use, I see the ways the outcast have been exploited by these industries.
I know many worlds, many ‘realities’ because I have been proximate to many different people.
None of my ‘activism’ is born out of theory, it is born out of relationships.
Sometimes, especially during the fire relief, I marveled when people in the primarily white and affluent town of Ashland would say, ‘well I have no way of getting to know the Latin community.’ I heard this repeatedly and it struck me so deeply because the next three towns over have significant Latin communities.
It showed me how trapped and normalized we have become to the separation created by classism and systemic racism.
I understand the superficial barriers, language, whiteness, etc, and how it is not always easy.
Throughout the fire relief, I had many, seeing my light skin and hearing my ‘americanized’ and choppy Spanish say to me, “You’re Latina? I thought you were American”
It was extremely painful to have been an orphan, whose first language was Spanish, but lost it as I was disconnected from my roots and bounced around foster care. Then to with great heart, reclaim my cultural identity, and devote myself to helping my community, only to be seen as other, by my own gente/people.
Many days, I came home and had a good cry.
But ultimately, I pushed through because even despite the barriers, I knew the truth..
that we belonged together.
And this is a truth for all of us.
We belong together.
It is only the lies of capitalism and domination culture
that normalize separation, inequity and reinforce bubbles.
If we really want to be allies and reclaim all of ourselves from these lies,
we need to chip away at them, by intentionally moving toward each other.
What gets in the way of making friends with people different from us?
A feature of ‘whiteness’ or ‘owning class’ folk that I often see getting in the way, is perfectionism and shame that stem from colonial/religious legacies.
Knowing the imbalance of power and privilege, it is essential for those with privilege/resource to step into these relationships centered in their hearts, with humility, openness and with respect.
The culture of whiteness and affluence tends to be extractive and domination oriented, thus it’s essential to be aware of this programming and not tokenize or fetishize others.
And it can be hard and full of mistakes.
That’s okay.
What’s most important is that we reclaim ourselves from these lies that keep us divided.
We are all part of a complex, divine, interconnected ecosystem/web/dream and these lies keep our worlds so very small and disconnected from the beautiful and vast complexity of life!
And of course, the nuances of all of this, cannot be oversimplified.
These friendships, like all relationships, must be nurtured with love and compassion and willingness to have hard conversations.
We will talk more, but for now, I encourage everyone to read Bryan Stevenson’s book, Just Mercy.
He is a gift for these times and through stories helps to articulate this vision beautifully.
xoxo
Sylvia