When I was a 19yo, emancipated foster youth navigating my way through college life and depression, I got connected to Friends of the Foster Children. They were one of the first to show me the value of having ordinary people who didn’t have to be interacting with me, showing kindness and care. They gave me a small scholarship but more importantly connected me with a mentor, Susan Wittmer. Susan would write me little notes, invite me to bake cookies, remember my birthday. It’s all these little things that are so important.
As a foster child, especially if like me, you have multiple placements, you are never sure if your birthday will be remembered or whether any of the holidays will be celebrated. Most have spent their entire lives in abusive, stressful, dysregulated and unstable environments, so while there is longing because you see the ‘dream’ all around you, you don’t really expect that you will be a part of it. In fact, most who have moved frequently are miles away from feeling that they have any value at all.
So, while I’m not into the consumerism/capitalism at this time, I am extremely sensitive to what it feels like to see all the ‘normal’ families having a big party, that you are not included in, which only serves to deepen your sense of grief, confusion and low self worth.
Even now, as I work with fire victims, that little girl inside of me has to have a good cry just to honor how different it was for her. The families I am helping still thankfully, have each other, they have their culture, they have their extended families. Displacement is hard, but so much is still intact for them and they will be able to put their lives back together, TOGETHER.
I was six, when I was separated from my mother, my culture, my language, my siblings, my extended family, my home. This ‘rescue’ is needed but so devastating. And every youth who experiences this utter ungrounding, has already come from horrific violence/terror, sexual abuse, neglect.
Foster youth are among the MOST marginalized, vulnerable and oppressed in our society. This is why traffickers sadistically target them. And this is why, even though I’ve been going on and on asking everyone for so much help lately, I cannot let the season go by without highlighting Friends of the Foster Children.
During the holidays, they work hard to ensure that all foster youth in their area feel celebrated. They do the extra things that simply express love and care from humans to humans. They remind youth that they are VALUABLE, that they matter.
I treasured my little notes from Susan, thinking, ‘oh maybe this is what it’s like to have a mom.’ Words really cannot convey how much that meant and how invaluable their work is. I’m crying now as I remember how fragile I felt and how much her care made a difference. Which I hope you can all see is precisely what motivates me in my current efforts, precisely what I am striving to bring to others now.
I’ll be sending our family’s donation, if you’d like to add to that please Venmo @sylvia-Poareo with a note that it’s for foster youth.
Otherwise please get to know them yourself, or any other organization supporting foster youth at this time: http://www.fofcsgv.org/.