For years I have cringed when I have seen panels of parenting ‘experts.’ This is such a western paradigm 
rooted in competition/conquest.
I like to deconstruct the ‘experts’ because I’ve worked with many a mother who is comparing herself to them. In fact, most of the ‘experts’ are not parenting full time and have far more resources than the average parent. In order to write books and sit on panels, they often outsource many living and parenting responsibilities such as child care, schooling, housework which limits their understanding of stressors and depletion many parents face. Most are white and not BIPOC informed. Many have had many layers of privilege in their own upbringing that those facing trauma and systemic oppression do not. Having this space and resource does often give them thoughtful insights that can be helpful. However sometimes they can also be shaming for those who are struggling to do their best with far less resource, privilege and support.
In my parenting journey, I have spoken with many of the popular experts and often found that they could not meet me where I was coming from. And because they are in the mainstream, they also could not go as far and wide into reclamation and remembering as I could. There are so many limitations to what Western society calls an ‘expert.’
The people I would call ‘experts’ are the mostly women around the world who feed, tend and care for their children on the daily with far less, and often imperfect approaches, but a tenacity that inspires awe.
And I prefer to seek counsel from humble elders, named by their community, than ‘experts.’
My strong feeling about this is also why I tend to write less and facilitate more.
Though I am opinionated ;) I focus alot more on questions when supporting someone and really enjoy the process of helping others to recover and reclaim their own truth.
My goal is not to impart ‘information’ rather to help one get quiet, compassionate and curious enough to return to all of the knowing within.
Each mother knows the youth entrusted to their care far better than I do.
I can give ideas, tell stories, expand perspectives…but ultimately the work is within the heart.
We are in relationship with our children every day. We chose this journey. And some say, they chose us.
We may get caught up in wounded, oppressive thoughts or reactions. We may have triggers from our own trauma getting in the way of seeing clearly. We may just be ‘wiped out,’ stressed, our nervous system overloaded.
However, once we return to a place of calm together, anytime I ask someone to drop into their heart and open to Spirit/Ancestors/Nature about what is loving for them and their child,
the depth of their response is profound.
There is more alignment. The mystery can flow. Nuances specific to you and them are addressed.
The true ‘expert’ shows up.
We might call this our higher self, loving adult, future abuela, future ancestor…
What is life giving in you, all of your spiritual connections here to support you, and all the possibilities, wisdom and creativity needed, can emerge and be felt.
We remember that we are never alone, the answers are not outside us, and there is no competition.
And we feel and remember the honor of co-creating with this precious youth/soul and walking through life together.
I’m not sure we, in our limitations, can fully name this. At least I don’t try.
I’m no expert :)
But I love watching it unfold!
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(This is also why circles are potent for mothers; as we see others connect to their knowing, we remember to flow with life in the same way)
*Beautiful artwork by Santiago Savi