The World Needs You to BE YOU

As the people lined up to speak, I reminded my son to imagine he could not hear their words and instead use his awareness to get a sense of what their stance would be. Over and over, when we are involved in advocacy work, we see on both sides when people are coming from love or fear, their ego or survival/wounded self.

When they are coming from fear, they often seek to control, to dictate, and protect self interest. This is an energy and state that if we pay attention, we can see and sense regardless of whether we interact with the individual.

When someone is in a state of fear and wanting to control things or others, it is extremely futile to try to convince or reason with them. When there is no openness there is no learning. And unfortunately, if we attack, blame or ridicule them we reduce the chances of collaboration and understanding to nil.

After attending yet another council meeting last night in support of Sanctuary for immigrants, it is again profoundly clear that we live in intensely divided times. And these divisions exist in our own family, which I am grateful for. Because if all I ever knew were people who agreed with me, it would be easy to dehumanize those who do not. Instead, I learn the nuances of their life experiences, personality and currently reality and understand the reasons they believe as they do, as well as the reasons I disagree.

Over the past many years I have learned to address these differences with my children by suggesting that we remember that humans are extremely diverse in skills, gifts, temperament, personality, culture, sexuality, etc. Although we ‘look’ like the same species we are more akin to the animal kingdom; some are bears, coyotes, some are koalas and butterflies. North American native cultures are well documented as intuiting this in their acceptance of animal clans and medicine, as I would guess did many hunter gatherer communities that lived close to the earth and undistracted and cushioned by modern society were more in tune with their nuances and those of their brothers and sisters in the plant and animal ‘kingdoms’.

When I feel overwhelmed and disheartened at the injustice and inequity in this world (that I feel keenly having grown up in foster care, working in immigrant communities as a social worker, and remaining connected to people of all races who struggle in poverty) I try to remember this. That the world needs the wolf as much as it needs the deer.

However, when I envision this, I see the wolf in its true essence; fierce when needed, gentle and playful otherwise, collaborative with its pack, careful not to be too reckless because a foolhardy injury could result in death, responsive to the natural world’s checks and balances…and so on, NOT the distortion of a “Wolf in sheep’s clothing” or “Wolf on Wall Street” that we have come to accept as a normal tendency of human behavior. No, these are humans in fear, living from a primal contraction of a scarcity mindset (most often imagined) or simply drunk on power because natural checks and balances have not touched them yet (easier to do when you dominate power and resources).

This ego/woundedness is what we all can feel and see in another if we are paying attention. And often it can initiate our own defensiveness, as we become triggered into our own fears and feelings of helplessness. We may even engage this wounded other and try to change them or control them, only to find ourselves increasingly enraged because instead of tending to our feelings of grief and helplessness, we have handed our inner child to that wounded other, metaphorically saying “Change! So I or others can be safe!” And our inner self becomes furious at them for remaining closed and oppressive, AND at US for giving our energy to them and remaining helplessness.

This is profoundly different from standing up from a place of righteous outrage that moves us to act with clarity and love, to speak up and stand for loving boundaries on injustice. There is a distinct balance and calm when we act from our loving adult and it is exemplified by many wise change agents that have gone before who stood for the fullness of Divine love and compassion with healthy boundaries and wisdom.

Rather than trying to reason with another’s wounded self/primitive self-protection, we can simply know that their essence serves an invaluable purpose which they are more likely to reconnect to, if we treat them with dignity and respect. Even if this means being silent and walking away when they are triggering us. When we remove ourselves, we free them to focus on themselves and pursue their higher path, if they choose to.

To do so, we must acknowledge and attend to our own helplessness. I often see this as an inner hug and kind words to myself that acknowledge what I am here for and trust that this longing for justice and compassion is in me for a reason. I am meant to live it.

When one looks at the natural world, it is so apparent that every single being has a role; from the grand diversity of each landscape, plant or flower, all who bloom in their own rhythmic time and place, from each insect that pollinates, from the weasel who culls eggs, to the birds that carry seeds, the worms that decompose leaves, to the microbes that make up most of our bodies and and on and on, in full circle, over and over again. This reality helps me most when I face the differences I don’t understand or prefer, in others that are due to innate personality and temperament which are usually apparent from birth if one looks hard enough (genetics are real!).

And when I face a distorted wolf or someone living from a contraction of fear/control, I remember that the most empowering thing I can do is walk away, set a loving boundary and return to my heart. I feel excited and hopeful to remember where I CAN put my energy to POWERFULLY effect CHANGE. Whatever I am here to be; the peace, love, and connection I desire for the world is in me because it is part of my essence, my purpose and I am most likely to contribute it to the world, by focusing on courageously being myself, doing what feels integral and expressing my heart to the fullest. For me this means that I engage in activism to stand for what I want to see, I plant seeds and support beautiful, vibrant ecosystems and communities, I’m curious and interview others to increase understanding, I raise my children with ancestral understanding and I hold space for healing in many ways.

I do this as much to support others as I do to honor my essence/soul. It is an act of self-care. When I act in accordance with my longings, as a loving adult, I feel peace and happiness, simple as that. It does not honor my essence to only exist in my own paradise. I must be of service. When I look back and remember my heart’s desires as a little girl, they were the same. To that question adults like to ask: What would you do if you won the lottery? “Have an apartment building for the homeless” I would always reply and essentially my answer is still the same. It’s my role. The heartache I feel at others’ pain, is an essential part of my highly sensitive makeup that then allows me to understand and help others. In fact, much of my practice is in helping other highly sensitive souls know that they are here for invaluable reasons even if some other voices are louder.

With Inner Bonding, I’m grateful that we learn to live from our essence, which often reconnects us to the deepest, ancestral wisdom that runs through our bones and which every animal knows and does when free to do so….BE YOU, DO the real YOU. You may have to dig under years of social conditioning but the real YOU is in there ready to play her part and bring balance and healing to this world.

Rising up FULLY in every single moment, taking loving action for the world we innately know is possible, removing obstacles (perceived or real) that keep us from doing so, and extending this liberation to others, are some of the most powerful steps we can take, big and small every day!  xoxoxo