Like most women, I experience a few days of hormonal sensitivity every month. I have always held that 
these are times to embrace with tenderness. Society shames women at this time, calling this vulnerability weakness, madness, hysteria, PMS and so on. (This is also relevant for all Highly Sensitive People, regardless of gender)
But I see it as a time when our beautiful heart is laid bare.
When our inner self is showing us our essence, our longings, our truth.
When our soul shows us what we must remember, in a way we cannot ignore.
And when we embrace these sacred openings with love and reverence, they can be held as a living ceremony.
Last month, I was on a plant walk at this vulnerable time. We began by sharing our first connections with the natural world. I remembered my seven year old self finding solace under a tree in a canyon behind one of my temporary stays, watching the wild horse run free, the golden tall grass blowing, and the ants climbing up the mottled grey tree bark. I remembered how I felt peace in the midst of chaos.
And I cried with gratitude at the loving presence I felt then and have felt throughout my life.
I cried freely in this group, there at the beginning and throughout the day.
When we connected with the Willow that invites our expression of grief, we took time to sit with her. I sat under her canopy, leaned my head on her and cried. I cried my longing for land, to live on land. I grieved the disconnection I’ve felt in the city landscapes, the grid. When we shared our experience, I cried more, as I shared from the heart.
Throughout this day, I was aware that to others my crying may be viewed as weakness, too much, whatever.
It didn’t matter, because I was embracing the movement of my heart in the moment.
I was listening to my soul and letting her express authentically.
We are all so precious in our vulnerability.
Just as I always ask, “what would it be like to allow full expression of humanity without social constructs?” I allowed it, explored it. I tended to my heart, regardless of what anyone thought or understood. And I saw, as always, that this vulnerability allowed others to open to theirs.
I/we engaged in the ceremony the moment presented.
After listening with tenderness to my soul all day, it became clear that I needed to spend more time engaged with land. I have done this since and it has brought my soul deep joy.
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This month/cycle, I was feeling similarly ‘raw’ in my relationship with my teens. My tenderness brought up a keen feeling of rejection for the ways that I am different than most parents. Though I am fun, I am not a ‘party mom’ and in general, I’m more deconstructor, analyzer than just ‘go enjoy!’
Rejection is a huge sensitivity from a life in foster care, so I tended to my little girl. I witnessed the core shame about her trauma and let her know I love her. I spoke to myself in the mirror (as I always urge clients to) and told her, even if the teens cannot appreciate her, I see her and value her and UNDERSTAND her like no other.
I cried and was gentle with myself.
Later I talked to my daughter and as a tear constantly streamed down my cheeks, I told her I understand that sometimes it feels good to be with more lighthearted parents AND I also value the depth, holding and safety that I offer. We spoke with love and our conversation felt ceremonial.
My vulnerability had given us this moment to speak from the heart. Rather than the ways we are taught to hold ourselves in, to suppress who we are, to ‘act solid’, we were practicing open and gentle, honest, authentic presence with each other.
Though it can often be so hard to walk through, I am always grateful that my soul speaks more loudly at these times and I can uncover what wants to be expressed.
Rather than judging and shaming ourselves or feeling weak, we can welcome what comes up with love, tend to ourselves and appreciate the precious jewels that emerge.
Sometimes we need help with this, and there is no shame in that.
I work in circles for this reason.
Embracing our vulnerability as ceremony is a deep remembering that occurs and occurred in many cultures, held by ancestors.
As always, we are bringing connection back to our community, ourselves and our place.
xoxo
(gorgeous art by emmarez storyteller)